Dr. Certainly-Not-Love Or: How I Stopped Hating Tebow

Surely you'll forgive the title. Plays on words are my only vice.

That, of course, is a lie. My only other vice. Honest.

Speaking of vices, do you know that guy who doesn't have any? He's the guy who was praised for his volunteer work, morality, unwavering dedication, faith, and spirit. Remember him?

Was that Jesus or Tim Tebow? It was often hard to tell the two apart when he was a Gator. The media heralded Tebow like the Second Coming. His pedestal was so high, he may well have been seeing the world from Christ's perspective.

Hence, I hated him. Tebow, not Jesus.

You couldn't turn on any sports program without hearing something about his greatness. Each day brought some new way in which Almighty Tebow was terrific, magnificent, and tremendous.

For a fan of college football, it was like going to a restaurant, finding only one thing on the menu, and having it repeatedly shoved down your throat.

But, moreover, I hated him because he was just so damn good at playing football. And I didn't want him to be good. I wanted him to fail. I wanted Florida to lose. I was vengeful. I took major joy in the loss to Ole Miss in 2008. It's hard to be proud of feeling that way, but I did.

Call me a hater if you will.

Then, draft day 2010 came. The media's Tebow love fest suddenly turned into Tebow doubt. His throwing mechanics were scrutinized. His lack of experience in a pro-style offense was drilled. For the first time, it was obvious that Tebow wasn't #1. There was no way he would be drafted in the first round. Absolutely no chance.

There are far too many shirtless Tebow pictures. This isn't one.

No chance, right? Wrong. Josh McDaniels was a Tebow man all the way. He traded up to take Tebow with the 25th overall pick. I hated the pick. I hated McDaniels for ignoring the obvious, glaring deficiencies in his play. I hated that I had been wrong.

Fast forward to now.

Somehow, over the past year and a half, my pure, unadulterated hatred of Tim Tebow has faded. In fact, I don't hate him at all. It's something different. It's something even more gratifying than watching the failed 4th-and-1 against the Rebels.

I no longer care about Tim Tebow.

I have no reason to care. While the pundits continue to dissect and examine his every move, I feel nothing. He's irrelevant. He plays for an irrelevant team in a largely irrelevant division. No longer is Tebow the savior, he's just another below average NFL quarterback. As much as ESPN wants me to, I no longer have a need to see him succeed or fail.

Some will take the mere act of writing this article as proof of an opinion, but would be mistaken to do so. The point is, I've gone from watching because of hate, to not watching at all.


I used to pay attention so that I had ammunition. I needed something on which to form an argument. Now, I don't need an argument. I don't want to discuss whether or not he will be a success in the NFL. I don't want to have the debate about an Urban Meyer quarterback product in the NFL (see also Smith, Alex.). I used to want these discussions and debates all the time. I usually won. Currently: couldn't care less.

You may like him. You may hate him. For me, it's just not an issue anymore. Get back to me if he starts winning Super Bowls. I'm sure I'll have an opinion then.

The 22-team, BCS-busting Behemoth

Oh, conference realignment talk, we barely knew ye. And yet, you keep coming back, like a stray cat to the garbage bin.

In case you weren't paying attention, here's a summary(in no particular order) of what will/has already/might happen regarding the realignment of football conferences.

-Pittsburgh and Syracuse have jumped ship on the Big East and will now join the ACC, pending that sudden $10 million exit fee by the Big East.

-TCU planned to leave the Mountain West to join the Big East, but upon further consideration prompted by the exit of Pitt and Syracuse, they may be in the new Big XII.

-Missouri was in the Big XII, but now appears headed to the SEC, joining fellow former Longhorn Little Sister,  Texas A&M.

-Boise State left the WAC to join the Mountain West, where it would have at least one decent opponent in TCU. However, TCU's departure has the Broncos thinking Splittsville, population: them.

-The Big East, amid the loss of two schools (three if you count TCU) has decided to invite Boise State and Air Force (Mountain West), Central Florida, Houston, and SMU (Conference USA), and Navy (Independent) to bring their membership total to 12.

-Not to be outdone, the Mountain West, in light of much loss (BYU left to become independent) extended invitations to Fresno State, Nevada, and Hawaii. All three are expected to join in 2012.

-And of course,  the Children of the Corn fled for the Big 10, while Colorado joined their "far out" West Coast bretheren in the Pac-12. Utah did something too, but nobody really cared much about that.

Got that? Good.

But the real story here, in a strange twist that even M. Knight Shyamalan couldn't write, the Mountain West and Conference USA may be holding the keys to Conference Apocalypse.

That's right. The least likely culprits. And you thought it would be the dissolution of the Texas Longhorn Conference that would bring about NCAA Armageddon.

Shows how much you know.

Can you imagine it? A 22-team football conference? The schedule matrix will be harder to navigate than calculus on an abacus.

Just for familiarity's sake, here are the teams of Conference USA:
       East Carolina, Houston, Marshall, Memphis, Rice, Southern Methodist(SMU), Southern Mississippi, Tulane, Tulsa, Alabama-Birmingham (UAB), Texas-El Paso(UTEP), Central Florida.

And the Mountain West:
      Air Force, Boise State, Colorado State, New Mexico, San Diego State, Texas Christian(TCU), Nevada-Las Vegas(UNLV), and Wyoming.

Those are, of course, the current members. It's sort of like trying to tell some one the exact time. By the time it's written, it's wrong.

But, let's give it a try, shall we? You remember math right?

(Conference USA-(UCF + Houston + SMU)) + (Mountain West-(TCU + Air Force + Boise State)) + Hawaii + Nevada + Fresno State= Brain Aneurysm.

Here's who's left:  ECU, Marshall, Memphis, Rice, Southern Mississippi, Tulane, Tulsa, UAB, UTEP,  Colorado State, New Mexico, San Diego State, UNLV, Hawaii, Nevada, Fresno State, and Wyoming.

But, wait. That's only 17 teams. Well, it plays out like this. Mountain Conference West USA officials expect that this football mind-meld will be enough to convince the likes of UCF, Houston, SMU, Air Force, and Boise State to stick around.

If we're calling a 16-team conference a "super conference," what is a 22-team league? I'd call it unmanageable. Unless...

Two divisions, East and West, each with two subdivisions. Then, instead of a single conference championship game, you get a 4-team playoff.

Playoffs? Holy.....

That's right, sports fans. This is how the BCS can get busted. No, you're right. This isn't necessarily a who's who of college football. In fact, only one of the schools in Pangaea Conference(that gets my vote for the name) has even been to a BCS bowl. Many of them are lucky to make any bowl.  But, for this dirty little job, we don't need Alabama, Michigan, Penn State, or Oklahoma.

To eventually get to a playoff system, which is essentially what most fans want, we need a desperate band of outcasts who are willing to do something so stupid, something so crazy that it just might work.

The BCS painted itself into this corner by being so exclusive. It's like the nightclub that doesn't allow jeans. Eventually, the jeans wearers band together and storm the club and turn it into a jeans-only establishment. Ok, probably not. But you get the picture.

Can't you see it? Mega-conferences with  four-team playoffs to determine the champion. Each champion represents a conference in a 4-team, 6-team, or even 8-team National Championship tournament. Nobody gets left out. Nobody is a "non-automatic qualifier." Everyone is filled with joy.

Pause the celebration. The truth is Boise State, UCF, SMU, Houston, and Air Force probably won't stay in Pangaea Conference. They won't because the BCS still exists and joining the Big East makes them "automatic qualifiers" right now. They don't have to wait for everyone else to form their own mega-conferences. They don't have to wait for the BCS to dissolve. They get the goods today instead of tomorrow.

So, Pangaea Conference is really left with 17 teams that nobody really cares about. The four subdivisions idea sounds like a lot less fun when there are only four teams in each. Yes, I realize one division would have five.

What we're left with is the same old system. We'll keep watching it because we love football and the power mongers will keep telling us we watch because of the way it's set up.

At least you tried, Pangaea Conference. At least you tried.

Baseball Needs More Nyjer Morgan

Nyjer Morgan. You may also know him as Tony Plush. Or maybe he's Tony Gumbo. T-Plush perhaps? If you're a stuffy old baseball codger, you probably know him as "everything that's wrong with the game."

Maybe that's why I like him so much.

He gets into fights. The announcers hate him. He does strange things during post-game interviews. Make sure you're all caught up on your Plushdamentals. And even stranger things yet. Is he crazy? Probably.  But, you know, baseball really needs that kind of crazy.

He's been around the league. Clubs usually get tired of his antics. For you stuffy, old baseball codgers, that's "what's wrong with the game." Baseball has no tolerance for personality. Everyone is supposed to show up, spout the same lines (one game at a time, long season, it's a team effort, etc.), and act like they're as thrilled to be a Major Leaguer as they would be to visit the dentist.

Nyjer Morgan is among the MLB leaders in tobacco consumption.

I'm supposed to watch a 162 games at 4 hours each and just simply be entertained? Maybe for some, that works. For me, it has to actually be entertaining. Nyjer Morgan is just that. He's the bowl of spiked punch in a warehouse of un-labeled, bottled water.

For the record, I like Giants closer Brian Wilson for exactly the same reason.

He's also a remarkably clutch hitter. You'll notice in the second video, the interviewer mentions how he always comes up in the big moment. He just did it again, sending the Brewers to the NLCS with his 10th-inning single that beat the Arizona Diamondbacks.

Hate all you want, baseball. The guy can play. In traditional Nyjer fashion, he promptly dropped two big F's in the post-game interview on TBS.

No, he's not a perennial All-Star. He won't ever hit 30 homers or 120 RBI. What he does is chew massive wads of tobacco, show up in the clutch, win the game, and knock the post-game interview out of the park.

His act may not always be productive, but it's always good for a laugh. Laughs are something baseball could certainly use more of. I sincerely hope Tony Gumbo aka Tony Plush aka T-Plush aka Tony Clutch sticks around for awhile. He gives me something to do in the summer.

By the way. Did you know he also played hockey? Guess that explains the fighting...

Stop Criticizing Martinez? That's Not How This Works...

I've heard from some Husker fans that we need to "get off Taylor Martinez's back."

What? Are you serious?

He's the starting quarterback for the University of Nebraska's football team who, by the way, just got embarrassed in Madison, WI. He was a large part of the embarrassment, throwing three costly interceptions and a number of other bad passes. Those are the facts.

Now, I'm not supposed to criticize him for his poor performance? I don't think that's how it works.

If an Assistant Manager at Company X makes three (or more) mistakes that significantly contribute to a loss of productivity and money at Company X, while drastically lowering the public perception of Company X, that employee would be heavily criticized, if not terminated or demoted. This is not up for debate. It's true.

Martinez has completed just 50.5% of passes this season

Replace "Assistant Manager" with "Taylor Martinez" and "Company X" with "the Nebraska Cornhuskers," and suddenly the story changes. The employee, somehow, is above reproach.

The logic doesn't follow. If you screw up, expect criticism. That's just life. If you can't deal with it, do something else that lowers your risk of failure.

Fans should not stop criticizing Martinez. The old excuses will remain invalid as ever. "He's just a kid." "We forget that he's only a Sophomore." "Leave him alone and let him grow."

He's not a kid. Sophomores have won three of the last four Heisman trophies. Leaving him alone will not allow him to grow.

I beg you this, Husker fans. Praise Martinez when he does well. Give him his due. But, do not listen to those calls to let miserable performances go without scrutiny. As we fans must take the good with the bad when it comes to Martinez, so must he from us.